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| 4 January 7:34 AM |
Just a calendar marking, a symbol of time’s passage: a concept; a construct; a category; a way to make sense of, to mark the “edges” around, the unfolding of life. Another page turned, something “ended”, something else “begun”. And even while I understand that New Year’s Day is just another day, I see how for me it allows freshness. I get to air out the old, dirty stuff, give it room to breathe, and to refresh my life – infuse it – with light, air, and soul. I want to “wake up” (to awareness) a bit more, see what’s around me with a bit more clarity. I want every moment to be one I choose to engage actively, compassionately (for others and myself, for all beings) and with awareness. I want to be like the clouds and sun right now – evershifting, each moment a new and different “scene”. Constantly, there are the cycles and patterns that nature creates, and they are ever-in-movement, fluid. This year feels so much like a year of fluidity: love, commitment, and responsibility flowing through my community…and, thriving in this! I want to be there, present for those around me; I also need to be present to myself or I cannot be so for others. My presence must come out of the fullness of who I am, or I am not there at all. And thinking about this beautiful shifting landscape (external and internal), I recall that yesterday I saw two tall maples, in midwinter, still clad with the faded remains of autumn’s colors. I guess calendars really don’t matter at all to the trees!
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| 3 January 7:29 AM |
2 January 2012
I feel this urge, compulsion and passion, to follow my bliss overtaking my landscape. It is landscape. And it’s not just about doing fun or easy stuff; it includes (and revolves around) my work, too.
3 January 2012
Not a single obligation in the outside world today; I’m working at home and it feels blissful! I have many tasks slotted for today and yet there was a buzzing of distracting thoughts also running through my head; these are the stories, doubts, fears that creep in from time to time and I looked out the window onto the land and quietly asked them to go. They slowly receded, promising to return again some day. I know they do not serve me well, these made up worries, so I released them without hesitation. Wallowing in worry shuts me down into a useless, unproductive place.
In stark contrast to that muck, I just watched several phases of a gorgeous sunrise: a hot pink and lavender sky with pure liquid gold underlining; then gray blue skies with fainter gold and yellow; now a perfectly straight swath of orange-yellow, fading…surely it will disappear in minutes like all the rest. Hm: once again nature has mirrored back to me, like a perfect reflection of my internal process, how things shift and change and then turn into something else - so has this morning’s sunrise.
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| 3 January 7:28 AM |
4 January 2012
Yesterday I worked on my professional goals for 2012. It is a tall order, really. And I like the focus, with target dates for completion and the smaller steps laid out in a manageable-seeming stride. I was so glad to work diligently and hard; doing what I can today opens me up to hope, trust.
5 January 2012
I had the most joyful dream last night: I was on a snowy hill sliding down a well worn path, screeching with delight!
6 January 2012
It was such a great feeling to spend time on skype [with a dear friend], reconnecting after a number of months, freely catching up with each other as intimately as close friends can – even with time lapses between calls. We each shed a few tears, sharing our sorrows; we also laughed at our history and foibles, our aging, and what we imagine we’ll be like as old ladies. I finished off my day with an equally intimate conversation with my oldest sister; this, too, left me feeling wrapped in an embrace of comfort, love, friendship. It is good, indeed, to have sisterfriends on whom we can rely.
I share these journal snippets here so that you can see how writing even the simplest things can be a powerful tool for getting through the day. Feelings, uncomfortable thoughts, dreams, goal-setting, conversations: all this and more can be fodder for writing. Informal writing can help us feel, help us see, help us taste, touch and smell; it can be a record, a guide, a mantra, a light, an indication of our internal landscape. Too, it can help us move into deeper connection with the natural world if we’re open to the practice of watching what occurs outside of us even as we notice and pay attention to our inner world.
May 2012 bless you with peace as you move more deeply into the practices and intentions that support your own growth.
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| 2 January 7:20 AM |
