Part of unclenching from those things to which I tend to
too-tightly cling is un-thinking what I have a tendency to believe about myself
and about the world.
I want to write.
But instead, I think:
I must have a clear plan for my written
project.
Yet I have never been successful by attempting to outline a project in
advance of simply beginning to write. My way is to dive right in, to just start writing from
what I know in my guts in that very moment.
I want to paint.
But instead, I think:
I should create something realistic – a
landscape or face or a symmetrical design.
Yet I often don’t enjoy the outcome
by attempting to sketch in shapes or figures before putting brush to page. My way is to wet the page with water and let my hand choose
a color…it’s all up to spontaneous process after that.
I want to help somebody in a jam.
But instead, I think:
I can do something tangible to save that
person.
Yet most often what is required, what is genuinely of support to my
loved ones, is quietude: unfettered listening. My way is to be simply present with another…this has always
been enough.
I want to really know each bird that visits my yard.
But instead, I think:
I should identify the species in the
field guide.
Yet the name of the bird is the least of what I can really learn
from and about it. My way is to watch attentively so I can notice the actual behaviors,
activities, and still moments of the bird’s presence.
I like to tell people that I once went through life like
this: I hold up my two fists as I clench
my teeth and grimace. I thought if I held on tightly enough I would have some
measure of control. And that if I had some measure of control, I would have
some ability to impact outcome… Clenching on to desired outcomes actually hinders
me as well as those whom I seek to serve.
I feel better and am more productive when I can relax into
process. To just let go.
This means showing up to do my part: that piece that I do know how to write, paint, help with, or experience.
It requires a fidelity to my experience.
I embrace those values and desires I carry as a fire in my
belly by gently, earnestly getting off the fence of mediocrity.
It requires surrender.
It means beginning with wherever and whoever I am in this
moment and moving forward in faith.
I get a lot more done - with more integrity and satisfying
result - when I accept and trust.
Acceptance. Accepting
my limits, frailty, and non-omnipotence.
Trust. Trusting
that I am part of an earthly community of beings and that if I engage with the
relaxed fullness of my passion, I will actually be in full service to life.
Sometimes it is not stepping up but stepping back.
Allowing space for others to do as they will, to be who they are.
To what do you clench tightly but for which softening your
hold would ease you and those around you?
All blog images created and/or photographed by Jennifer J. Wilhoit unless otherwise noted.
