Excerpt from a much longer piece that I wrote
many years ago...
Nature reverberates in my
inner landscape and the examples of this occur everyday, in ordinary life. Except
that perhaps it is extra-ordinary: divine.
(In the rush of the afternoon,
I make a quick phone call after which I feel angst.)
I look out the corner
window of my little cottage and see a dark taupe flash of movement. My eyes
rivet to the blob and it clarifies into the shape of a coyote, thick-furred and
fast. He dashes just a few feet off our property, into the nearby thicket
abutting the woods. It all happens so quickly; my heart is running loud and
strong in my chest. I stare at the place in the road where he crossed,
wondering if the coyote will turn around, run back out where I can get another
look.
My backless clogs slip easily
onto my feet and I rush outside, scanning the forest edge to see if the coyote
has remained within sight. I am standing still in the rainy yard waiting, eyeing
the negative space in between tree trunks and through the brush for any sign of
movement; I listen carefully for the conspicuous rustle of leaves. Nothing. I
consider hiking the trail through the woods where this coyote is surely lurking.
Instead, I go back to work at my desk.
(The residue from the
phone call leaves me feeling shaken, bitter even. I begin to judge myself harshly
for this feeling.)
I remember that a wise
teacher writes about “making friends” with what is going on in any situation. Rather
than judging myself for my feelings, this teacher encourages me to just let
whatever is happening happen. She says that my only task is to be with the
experience; it is part of the human condition; sit with it.
(I write a barrage of
words that fly onto my journal pages.)
Somehow in that moment, I
remember the coyote. I write a short sentence as the memory of the sighting
returns, and I proceed with this observation of Coyote:
It seemed as if he was running from something,
rather than running toward something.
In the very instant I write
those words I can see how I had been running away. Instead of running headlong
and knobby-kneed into the glorious fray of Not Knowing, I got tangled in the
underbrush of judgments and expectations.
Coyote mirrors for me my
own inner landscape. He reminds me to run into
my life, not from it.
* * *
The reflections on a pond
early this morning shimmered with light and clarity. The still barren twigs of
the marsh plants were mirrored as shivering eels on the water’s surface, browns
and reds dancing. I was captivated. The beauty was palpable; I could feel my
skin prickle with the cold delight of the frigid water on this thirty-three
degree morning. I became filled with this beauty, letting it wash my inner
landscape and soak into the crevices of my weary self. It is not a big deal; relax into it.
All blog images created & photographed by Jennifer J. Wilhoit unless otherwise noted. Please circulate images with photo credit: "©2016 JenniferJWilhoit/TEALarbor stories. AllRightsReserved."
